Today is that kind of day where everything feels alright... so far. I woke up with this feeling- despite the brief anger of old things and situations- of trying to enjoy the day,the life, people around me. I really don't know if this feeling has something to do with waking up early to spend money with useless things, but I kinda enjoyed.
I really don't know how to explain it, but today I feel free, I feel light... it's kind of funny. But whenever I feel this way, I come to my place, my blog just to tip it out whatever I'm thinking just with the intention of materialize or... to put in a definite amount of time or even to especify whatever I'm feeling. Like I said, it is kind of funny, but I'm gonna try not to give an explanation, I'm not gonna try to make sense to me or to anyone of you... I'm just gonna to write, to breathe and to throw outside what's happening outside.
When I started writing, I realized that when I was 13 or so, I used to deeply believe that everytime I felt this was, everytime I was happy or light for no reason, this was a sign that something bad was about to happen. It was like I could never be happy beacuse something bad would take my happiness away. I don't know why this happened to me... I don't know why I kept this idea with me, but until now, sometimes I forbide myself to feel this way, afraid of something that is going to make me feel bad again. I'm not weird... at least I don't think I am, but this is just something that keeps bothering me.
Again, I not trying to formulate explanations, these are just thoughts. But I realize that as I started growing up, that idea never left me alone. Until now, whenever I am happy, I rebember that I need to be 'normal' , serious again... just to avoid some bad surprises.
It's like I'm stuck in living with no good surprises, always with that idea of 'crying is the mother of smiling' (or something like that)... and for that, I'm never free... I'm always afraid, always suspicious... Like I said, I don't know what made me like this, but I blame myself for letting this happen. I guess I've never learnt how to laugh of myself... how to make fun of thing that are not important.
I'm not trying to be sad, or trying to have a epifany or to create a filosofy, this is just a post... just thoughts. I'm just trying to avoid that feeling that bad things are about to happen. I'm just trying to acept this feeling and not be 'normal' for just one day...
Ninna... feeling light.
I really don't know how to explain it, but today I feel free, I feel light... it's kind of funny. But whenever I feel this way, I come to my place, my blog just to tip it out whatever I'm thinking just with the intention of materialize or... to put in a definite amount of time or even to especify whatever I'm feeling. Like I said, it is kind of funny, but I'm gonna try not to give an explanation, I'm not gonna try to make sense to me or to anyone of you... I'm just gonna to write, to breathe and to throw outside what's happening outside.
When I started writing, I realized that when I was 13 or so, I used to deeply believe that everytime I felt this was, everytime I was happy or light for no reason, this was a sign that something bad was about to happen. It was like I could never be happy beacuse something bad would take my happiness away. I don't know why this happened to me... I don't know why I kept this idea with me, but until now, sometimes I forbide myself to feel this way, afraid of something that is going to make me feel bad again. I'm not weird... at least I don't think I am, but this is just something that keeps bothering me.
Again, I not trying to formulate explanations, these are just thoughts. But I realize that as I started growing up, that idea never left me alone. Until now, whenever I am happy, I rebember that I need to be 'normal' , serious again... just to avoid some bad surprises.
It's like I'm stuck in living with no good surprises, always with that idea of 'crying is the mother of smiling' (or something like that)... and for that, I'm never free... I'm always afraid, always suspicious... Like I said, I don't know what made me like this, but I blame myself for letting this happen. I guess I've never learnt how to laugh of myself... how to make fun of thing that are not important.
I'm not trying to be sad, or trying to have a epifany or to create a filosofy, this is just a post... just thoughts. I'm just trying to avoid that feeling that bad things are about to happen. I'm just trying to acept this feeling and not be 'normal' for just one day...
Ninna... feeling light.
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